tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78084819984605862072024-03-05T20:39:50.689-07:00Autism With a Bucket of SugarAdventures in autism with the sweetest child ever.Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-30633913212612088562017-10-25T14:09:00.001-06:002017-10-25T14:10:02.752-06:00Alter Egos<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Hello, Blog. It’s been a while. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">I had the beginnings of a long and confusing post, which was good to get out, but ultimately would not have made for very good reading. And then, what I need to say hit me as a simple concept:</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">I am Dr. Bruce Banner. Yes, the guy whose alter ego is the Hulk.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Bear with me here; it’s a metaphor I’m hoping to explain well.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">As you may know, Dr. Bruce Banner was a (fictional) scientist, doing his science-y thing, when he somehow was exposed to radiation (gamma rays, I believe, but that’s beside the point). This radiation exposure changed his physiology somehow so that when he becomes overcome with anger, he transforms into a menacing green monster known as the Hulk. There’s some variation on this story (because comics), but I’m going to reference the Marvel Cinematic Universe here. In the movie <i>The Avengers</i>, Bruce is found in hiding, to minimize the damage he can cause as the Hulk. After being encouraged to help save the world, Bruce’s comrades wonder how he’s able to keep the Hulk under control, and they try their best to help him stay calm so the monster doesn’t have a chance to take over. Finally, at the movie’s climax, Bruce reveals what he has learned about living with Hulk inside him for years: “That’s my secret. I’m always angry” - and he willfully becomes the Hulk to help save Earth.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">I’m not relating Dr. Banner’s story to my life in terms of anger, but in terms of depression. I was living my average life as a Bruce, doing my mom thing, when something triggered a change in me. I’m still not entirely sure what, but like the radiation, that’s beside the point. Soon enough, I realized I had the Hulk of depression taking over me. The monster came out no matter what I did, and blindsided me, so I isolated myself. I thought for sure, one day, I would be rid of depression’s grip forever, never “Hulking out” again. I saw it as an either/or situation. I couldn’t <i>really</i> be Dr. Banner if the Hulk was somewhere deep inside.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">But, just like dear Bruce, there’s no getting rid of my monster. And it’s hard to accept living with a monster you don’t want and didn’t invite in the first place. However, I have a choice. I can live in denial, keep isolating myself, and do my best to never let anybody see the monster of depression in me. Or, I can accept that it’s now a permanent part of me, and live as a new version of myself. No matter how it may seem sometimes, I’m still me when I’m at my worst and will make it through. I’m not the Hulk every minute or even every day. I’ll have my good days and bad days, but the bad days don’t negate all the good I do for my kids and others around me. I can still live how I want and be a good person and a good mother, even though I never know when depression will have its firm grip on me again. I do have control and power, and I can ignore depression’s lies. I’m still working on embracing the Hulk I’m living with, and relearning how to parent in the process. But now I know it’s not all bad.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">After all, Bruce and Hulk helped save the world.</span></div>
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Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-79853134232281525882015-11-03T15:08:00.000-07:002015-11-03T15:08:36.061-07:00Joy and Sadness<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via<a href="http://pixar.wikia.com/wiki/File:Inside-Out-Q%26A-Joy-Sadness.jpg" target="_blank"> Pixar Wiki</a></td></tr>
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I finally feel to the point where I can write again. I don't know if it will come again any time soon, but thank you in the meantime for reading here. This blog has been a great blessing to all of us.<br />
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I think I, and many of us, often mistakenly think that as soon as we do <i>this</i> or <i>that</i>, or that thing <i>finally</i> happens, we will be totally happy...and then what? Over the last several months, I've learned we have to take happiness when it comes, because waiting often doesn't yield any joy.<br />
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We watched <i>Inside Out</i> as a family recently. It was a great opportunity to talk to Bug and Bear about emotions and what to do with them. Surprisingly, it was a great lesson for me. I learned (and hopefully this doesn't spoil much if you haven't seen it!) so much about the important relationship between sadness and joy (both of which are personified in the movie). I have had the wrong definition of happiness and joy in my head for too long: I thought it was the absence of sadness. But without the sadness, we wouldn't know happiness. We wouldn't see the true beauty of life if we didn't have the contrast of its low points for comparison.<br />
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This is an <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.11,12?lang=eng#10" target="_blank">eternal principle</a> that I have known, intellectually, for a long time. But the way it was illustrated in the movie hit me personally and helped me see my depression in a healthier way. Sometimes the happiest moments of our lives are borne out of sadness. Sadness doesn't push joy completely out of the picture, and vice versa. It's normal for everyone to have highs and lows, and just because my lows may be lower and my highs harder-fought (and often shorter-lived) doesn't mean that I am weaker than those to whom happiness seems to come so easily. Happiness isn't a contest or a race, and our worth isn't measured by the amount of days we spend full of joy.<br />
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I realized I was waiting for my depression to be gone, forever. But I don't think that's in the cards for me, at least not yet. That's hard to accept, but it's getting a little easier. I've got a better handle on how my depression works and what I need at certain points in the cycle. I'm trying more consistently to enjoy the happiness when it comes and not worry about the next low.<br />
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Most importantly, I'm trying to see all the good things depression has brought me. I'm learning to have more empathy and patience with others. I recognize what is truly important and valuable in my life. I'm making stronger and more meaningful relationships. Just like autism, depression has brought its share of difficulties and heartache, but it's something that can also teach and improve me and my family in a way nothing else can.<br />
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As we continue learning, I hope to share some ways I'm managing parenting, specifically with a special needs child, and my depression. There's not as much written about that out there as I'd like. If you have some experience with that or something similar, let's do this together! The last several months have shown me I'm not as alone as I thought, and we can all be a huge support to one another.<br />
<br />Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-47403842565160356122015-06-04T18:42:00.000-06:002015-06-04T18:42:20.512-06:00Finding Happiness, Part IIWell, it's been over three months since the last post on this blog. Since then, Bug has overcome some big hurdles we were dealing with in regards to attachment and rigidity, and he finished up sessions of feeding therapy and speech therapy, exceeding all the goals we set for him there. He also finished his first year of preschool and we have seen his social growth. But that's not what I want to write about today.<br />
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This is a space to talk about autism and about how it affects Bug; but we also want to talk about how it affects the rest of us, because it does every single day in major and minor ways. What I'm writing about has been in some ways intertwined with having autism as part of our lives, and in other ways, not.<br />
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I have been diagnosed with depression.<br />
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That may not seem like a major event, but it really has been. It was a long time coming and even though <a href="http://autismwithabucketofsugar.blogspot.com/2014/06/finding-happiness.html" target="_blank">there were signs</a> over a year ago, I never got a formal diagnosis and never seriously stuck with treatment. I'm happy to say that now I am finally feeling like me again.<br />
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I don't bring this up as an excuse for neglecting this blog a bit, or for sympathy, or for any other reason than I think it needs to be talked about more. More parents, more women, more<a href="http://www.mormon.org/" target="_blank"> LDS church </a>members, more families with special needs children need to know that this can happen to them, and that if it does, it's not anyone's fault. If I can help at least one other person going through the pain I went through for so long, this is worth it. I will continue to write about my experiences with depression and how they have helped me with Bug in the future; this is an introductory post on the topic so you have some background for future reference.<br />
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One thing I believe that kept me from getting help sooner was my understanding of depression. Essentially, it wasn't much of an understanding at all. I thought of depression as an overwhelming sadness and that its symptoms only included lots of sleep and utter hopelessness. I didn't think I was depressed because at times I could smile and somewhat enjoy life. I didn't spend all day in bed, and I chalked up my difficulties to personal flaws and weaknesses.<br />
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So, I'll describe what depression feels like for me. Depression holds my desire and energy to do anything (even the simplest things, like brushing my teeth or going to the kitchen for a glass of water) hostage and doesn't let go. Depression tells me that I am worthless, that all of my efforts to be a good mom and wife and friend and overall person are wasted because I am irredeemable. Depression makes me irritable at the littlest things and sucks true joy out of the things I love most - like spending time with my family and working on my hobbies. Depression keeps me from feeling God's love.<br />
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Most of the time before treatment, I wasn't really me. I was a robot, going through (often only some of) the motions of life without much emotion. The most that I felt was an intense self-loathing. I thought I had a self-esteem problem and that I was lazy. I tried "fixing" myself through exercise, drinking more water, reading my scriptures and praying, getting out of the house, and doing more of the things I usually enjoy. I quickly lost momentum with anything new I tried and gave them all up, which only made me feel worse. It was a vicious cycle.<br />
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One Saturday morning, I hit a breaking point. I realized that something was truly wrong with me and that I needed help, if not for me, then for my family. I knew they deserved better - the person that I had been and could hopefully be again. I started with talking to a counselor, because I still wasn't sure if I actually was depressed (really). I figured a professional could tell me if I was right about my being lazy or if there was something else going on. Though there were a host of other emotions involved, I mostly felt relief when I was told that I was definitely depressed. Though it was hard at first, counseling helps immensely.<br />
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Not being able to trust my own thoughts is something I was not prepared to handle. It was hard to grasp the concept that even though my thoughts are my own and there is nothing superficially wrong with my body, there is something wrong in my brain that distorts the way I perceive myself and the world around me. I have become much better at recognizing what thoughts are true and are purely mine, and which are colored by depression, but I still need help from an outside perspective sometimes. I have accepted that that need for help is okay.<br />
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I don't know when my depression started. I suspect it might have been around the time Bug was undergoing evaluations and later received his diagnosis. It's hard to tell for sure, because I think it was a slow downward spiral. I considered depression on and off for a long time and didn't get a diagnosis until things were really bad.<br />
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Over the past few months I have been re-learning how to live my life and take it one day at a time. Some days are easy and feel "normal", and some aren't, but the lows aren't so low anymore. I have been focusing more on <a href="http://autismwithabucketofsugar.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-balancing-act.html" target="_blank">balance</a>, keeping my priorities straight, and eliminating the unnecessary and unhelpful.<br />
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So, some final thoughts. First, if you think at all, even just a little, that you might be depressed: talk to someone about it. Don't hesitate to start getting some help.<br />
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Second: medication is not a sign of weakness. It is not a cop-out and it can truly help. However, it is not a cure. I struggled with the prospect of taking an anti-depressant, thinking I didn't really need it. But, I have learned that I do. The difference medication has made is amazing. It doesn't fix all my problems, but it has allowed me to break my cycle of depression and be able to feel more of who I really am.<br />
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Third: depression doesn't make you a sinner, and it's not a result of sin. Just like physical infirmities, mental illnesses are a problem of the human body and not of the spirit. It was such an eye-opener for me when I read that depression and other mental illnesses can block the spirit and hamper your relationship with God, through no fault of your own.<br />
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I'm still learning. Hard days are no stranger, but overall, I am feeling again and feel more like me. In some ways, I have been able to understand what Bug is going through much better. I know that depression and autism aren't the same, but I think I have had a taste of what it can feel like to be Bug, and what he will feel emotionally as he gets older. I have a greater love for others and am continuing to learn the importance of being like Christ and showing compassion no matter what, because you never know what someone may be dealing with inside. I have learned how strong my testimony of God and the atonement are, because even though there were times I didn't feel love or guidance or anything from God, I already knew he was there. I was able to rely on the times I <i>did</i> feel love and guidance in the past.<br />
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This time, I <i>have</i> found happiness. Sometimes depression tries to take my happiness away, but there is one place it can always be found: with my family, wherever we may be.<br />
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Some helpful resources on depression:<br />
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<a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml" target="_blank">NIMH page on depression</a><br />
<a href="http://www.wingofmadness.com/" target="_blank">Wing of Madness</a>, a first-person website on all things depression<br />
<a href="http://whatsmym3.com/Screening/Screening.aspx" target="_blank">What's My M3</a>, online screening tool (remember, it's just a tool - it didn't catch the severity of my depression, because everyone experiences depression differently)<br />
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LDS perspectives on depression:<br />
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<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng&query=depression" target="_blank">Like a Broken Vessel</a>, Jeffrey R. Holland<br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/new-era/2002/04/rising-above-the-blues?lang=eng&query=depression" target="_blank">Rising Above the Blues</a> (aimed at teenagers, but good for everyone!)<br />
<a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/1989/02/mental-illness-in-search-of-understanding-and-hope?lang=eng&query=depression" target="_blank">Mental Illness: In Search of Understanding and Hope</a><br />
<br />Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-86396839194776708672015-02-10T13:33:00.003-07:002015-06-04T15:07:03.677-06:00The Balancing Act<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Life has felt out of balance for me lately. I was feeling "off" for a while, and I've finally realized that's why - I don't have things in balance. I'm working on improving my personal balance with renewed goals and little improvements every day.<br />
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Of course, sometimes the hardest place to find balance is with Bug and everything autism brings to the table. Take last night, for example. I was feeling really proud of my efforts during the day (meeting some of those new goals!), and even felt like things were well in balance...until Bug woke up from his nap. He and Bear got into a fight, and just when I smoothed that over, Bug had a meltdown about the dinner I was attempting to make. I'm not proud, but I will admit that I was fuming for a few minutes (alone, after Dad got home). Sometimes, everything seems so unfair - that Bear gets the short end of the stick because Bug's needs are greater, or that we can't go out on a date once a week (or even once a month...or once every few months) because our babysitting situation is complicated, or that we have to cook pancakes for dinner because Bug will literally scream about not wanting chicken until we relent and cook the darn pancakes.<br />
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Bug's neuropsychologist reminded me a few months ago that, really, life isn't fair and we can't change that. We just have to find balance where we can get it. Bear doesn't understand Bug's needs right now, but he will eventually. And we've started doing what we can now to give him some balance, like a weekly playgroup with kids his own age, and giving him oodles of one-on-one attention while Bug is in school. At times, we do have to micromanage things throughout the day to make sure Bug is alright (we all have bad days, Bug included - his coping mechanisms are just much different than ours), but the rest of the time we look for and take advantage of those opportunities to teach him new skills.<br />
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Maybe more than anything else, I need to keep working on my attitude. Find balance where I can, let go of the rest, and simply remember to step back to see how far we've all come. What we are learning as a family, and how each of us is growing every single day, is in large part due to Bug and autism - the very thing that can make life <i>seem</i> so unfair. It's truly a blessing to have him, autism and all.Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-75263289398797267142015-01-25T20:41:00.001-07:002015-06-04T15:07:34.179-06:00Answered Prayers<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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The topic of prayer has been lingering in my head for a bit, and <a href="https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-ezra-taft-benson/chapter-2-pray-always?lang=eng" target="_blank">a wonderful lesson on it</a> in church last week really helped sort out and add to my thoughts.</div>
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Prayer is one of those things we know we should be doing consistently. That consistency can be hard, and I have had my fair share of rough patches with praying regularly, or sometimes at all, in the last 18 months or so. Some of it has had to do with my attitude; being in a bad mood or feeling angry really puts a damper on a desire to pray. Other times, though, I couldn't see that my prayer was doing anything. No matter how hard I might pray for a meltdown to end or a long-standing obstacle to be overcome, nothing seemed to change. </div>
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<a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/prayer?lang=eng" target="_blank">We are taught that</a> God hears our prayers and that He answers them, too. I have had experiences that have confirmed that truth to me and I know I have a testimony of prayer. Why, then, would my prayers be unanswered? Why would God not remove difficulties from my, Bug's, our, lives? Was it just not time yet?</div>
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During that lesson last week, I was given the answer to my questions. God has heard and answered every single one of my prayers - but instead of addressing our circumstances and challenges, he has (at least tried, even though I may not have let Him) changed my heart. I have felt for a long time that Bug was born with autism and it will forever (on earth) be a part of him - then why should I pray for that to be changed or removed? When I was at my wit's end and desperately needed relief, I should have prayed for that to come not from an outside source, but from within.</div>
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That is often how prayers are answered: not by parting seas or a chorus of angels, but by a feeling of peace, or a gentle whisper heard only by a single person. I was praying for a grand gesture when all I really needed, and all I ever really need, is a change of heart, a change of perspective. If I focus my prayers on what <i>I </i>can do and what<i> I </i>need to face the circumstances and challenges around me, life doesn't seem so daunting. If I ask for the Savior's aid in bearing my burdens, He will make them lighter, but they may not be completely removed.</div>
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I've also learned a lot about prayer through Bug. He loves to pray. For a while, he let us help him, but now he does it all on his own. His prayers are mumbled, somewhat unintelligible, and short, but his heart is in the right place. God listens as intently to his prayers as He does to mine or anyone else's. Bug's prayers are an example to me of how I should approach God: with a sincere heart, unselfishness, and true faith in God. I should be as eager and happy to pray as my sweet boy is.</div>
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Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-92110592191722531972015-01-01T14:36:00.002-07:002015-06-04T15:08:04.896-06:00Bug's 2014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Each New Year is a funny thing. It's just another day, time going by in its usual fashion, but to us with calendars and goals and things, it can be a big deal. I honestly usually don't think too much about the New Year holiday, but this year is different. I've written several entries the past few months about how blessed we have been in 2014. But today, I want to acknowledge Bug and all of the ways he has amazed us. In 2014, he:<br />
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<li>"Graduated" Early Intervention </li>
<li>Started speaking in full sentences (not just 2- or 3-word phrases) and asking questions</li>
<li>Went from attending about 15 minutes of church on Sundays (usually walking around) to sitting and listening for a full 45-60 minutes, consistently, every week</li>
<li>Became more flexible about going to new places and into stores he was previously uncomfortable with</li>
<li>Decreased his meltdowns from 3-5 times per <b><u>week</u> </b>to maybe 1-3 per <b><u>month</u></b></li>
<li>Completed a feeding therapy episode (three months) in which he about <b>TRIPLED </b>his accepted foods inventory and became overall better at eating meals and trying new foods (we eat meals together as a family now!)</li>
<li>Showed us that he can memorize and recite books - which he can use in appropriate contexts to make text-to-real-world connections</li>
<li>Learned to count to 25, and to count objects</li>
<li>Started attending and loving preschool</li>
<li>After over a year of take-out, is once again able to go out with our family for a sit-down meal</li>
<li>Answered questions more often than repeated them (huge increase in using yes/no)</li>
<li>Learned all the short letter sounds - without any help from us or preschool</li>
<li>Started holding pencils/crayons/etc correctly and used them to draw shapes and letters</li>
<li>Went on our first out-of-state road trip after about two years, and had a successful, fun time at grandma's for a week</li>
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I am so, so proud of Bug. The day-to-day can get tiring and discouraging for all of us: I think it's so easy to stay in the moment, focusing on the short-term goals and the baby steps - which <i>is</i> important, don't get me wrong - but we can overlook the major milestones. And look at all those milestones! Bug truly is our superhero. For all the work we have done this year, he has done exponentially more. We've only begun to scratch the surface on what he is capable of doing.<br />
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I'd like to challenge you parents (and remind myself), when you feel like you're not making a difference, or things are just too hard, or you feel like nothing has changed, to sit down and list all the progress that's been made over a period of time. Sometimes, I just make a mental note of the good things that have happened in a day. The time frame doesn't really matter; it's the reflecting and tweaking your perspective that can turn your attitude around. </div>
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Here's to a 2015 full of even more milestones!</div>
Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-72905049120965745742014-12-22T10:44:00.000-07:002015-06-04T15:08:23.054-06:00Our Christmas<img src="http://media.ldscdn.org/images/media-library/by-speaker/president-dieter-f-uchtdorf/quote-uchtdorf-christmas-1174194-gallery.jpg" /><br />
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This year is Bug's fourth Christmas. Many other kids his age are excited about Santa Claus and all of the other fun stuff surrounding the season. Bug, frankly, doesn't care at all about any of that. I think a year or more ago, I might have been sad at the thought of Bug being like that, thinking that he would be missing out. But, I've found that he's not missing out on anything - in fact, he's making our holidays better.<br />
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Bug understands things better when they are simple and concrete. So, we've simplified our holidays, which allows us all to focus on the most important aspects of Christmas: celebrating Jesus Christ's birth and life, spending time with family, and doing good things for others.<br />
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We've also been reflecting on the past year or so and how blessed we've been. As we have used our challenges and trials as opportunities to pray and try to be spiritually stronger, we have been blessed with a greater testimony of and closer relationship with our Savior. Yes, God sent His son because<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/3.16?lang=eng#15" target="_blank"> He loved the world</a>, but He did it also because He loves me, and Bug, and each of us individually and unconditionally. Christ's example and atonement can strengthen us when we have sinned, when we are strong, when we have been hurt, when we feel downtrodden, and when we are living our daily lives. We've learned that better this year than any other time before.<br />
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This Christmas, simplify. Focus on the truly important parts of the holiday and don't worry about "missing out" on any of those extra things that, in the end, aren't the best part of the season. Enjoy your family. Be a little kinder. And, if you'd like to learn more about the first gift of Christmas and how you can be strengthened by Christ's life, view<a href="http://christmas.mormon.org/" target="_blank"> He Is The Gift</a>.Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-21332454464970816952014-12-08T15:29:00.001-07:002015-06-04T15:08:46.949-06:00Patience at TargetWe had a great weekend. We went out, had fun, ate ice cream, made it through a good portion of church, and spent time with family. It tends to be easier to be patient and see the good in little things when the kids are happy and the day is going smoothly. Lately, my patience hasn't quite been where it should be, so I learned a lot and saw a lot of good this weekend.<br />
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The past few weeks, Bug has had a new thing to be particular about: going in and out of doors. At church, for example, he always goes in the far right door, then out the same one (so far left as we're leaving). He has decided he always wants to go in and out the same doors (the green "IN" doors) at places like Target, too. Usually, that's not a problem, but it's Christmastime and stores are much more busy and crowded than when we typically go out.<br />
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We've been working on this door thing, and the day was going so well, I was surprised when Bug stopped about 10 feet from the "OUT" door and silently started showing signs of agitation. He wanted to go out the "IN" doors - because green means go - but there were carts blocking the space between the two sets of doors and lots of customers. I tried talking him through it: "We go <i>in</i> the green and <i>out</i> the red!", "Look, all the people leaving are going through the red doors!", so on and so on. He wasn't having it. Dad tried some different logic, too. Still nothing. Still staying firmly in place, pointing at the green doors and wanting to leave against the flow of foot traffic.<br />
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It would have been easy to just pick him up and go to the car (something I've done before, with chaotic results), but we didn't want a meltdown and we weren't in any hurry. I started thinking about how Bug loves letters and is starting to recognize words, so I thought I'd try that - I felt it was a long shot, but couldn't hurt. And, wonderfully, that ("O-U-T spells 'out' and we need to go out!") got him to go, no problem.<br />
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Getting Bug through a door may seem like such a small thing, but it was a great lesson for me. First, as a parent (especially one to a child with special needs), you have to think creatively. What I thought would make sense to him, didn't. I had to try to see things from his perspective a little better and guess what track his brain was on. More importantly, for everyone to be happy and content, we had to do the hard thing. Standing in the exit of Target and trying to reason with a preschooler really isn't too hard in the grand scheme of things, but it's an experience that I need to remember. Instead of letting impatience and <i>my</i> feelings get in the way of things, we were patient and took the time to work through things <b>with</b> Bug instead of trying to change his thought process. We took the more difficult route, but the return was well worth the effort.Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-57842434577193431552014-11-30T15:52:00.000-07:002015-06-04T15:09:04.511-06:00Mini-Series Week 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i style="background-color: white; font-family: Puritan; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">For the month of November, I am going to try at least once a week to relate to you something about autism that I am thankful for.</span></i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Puritan; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">For my final mini-series entry, I am thankful that autism has brought us gratitude. It's partly due to a <a href="http://autismwithabucketofsugar.blogspot.com/2014/11/mini-series-week-2.html" target="_blank">shift in priorities</a>, but it's due largely to newly found humility. Autism has laid bare our strengths, our weaknesses, our fears, and our hopes. Seeing life in that new light has compelled us to gratitude more than ever. Some days it's hard to be truly grateful, but overall, I am more grateful for all of my blessings, in even the smallest details of my life. As a family, we appreciate each other more, we enjoy the little moments more, we see better how blessed we are in our circumstances, and we have come to a richer understanding of God's hand in our lives. My heart has truly been softened and changed to be more grateful, even in the most turbulent times.</span>Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-76282750755812413212014-11-26T20:34:00.000-07:002015-06-04T15:09:30.430-06:00Mini-Series Week 3<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<i style="font-family: Puritan; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">For the month of November, I am going to try at least once a week to relate to you something about autism that I am thankful for.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Puritan;"><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">Last week was a bit of a crazy one, so I'll be sure to add one more entry for this series on Sunday.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Puritan;"><span style="line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">Today I am grateful that autism has taught me about love. Through autism, my love for myself, my family, and even total strangers has been tested and eventually strengthened. I've seen what unconditional love can do for me and others around me: from giving me strength I thought was beyond my reach, to softening hearts and opening minds. Bug has taught me what unconditional love looks like, because that's the love he gives each of us. I also feel that I have a deeper, though still incomplete, understanding of what God feels for me. Everything I feel for Bug, all I see in him and hope for him, is a small sample of what God feels for each and every one of us. That is a priceless lesson that I will always be grateful for.</span></span>Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-10916884711143813922014-11-14T11:16:00.001-07:002015-06-04T15:09:52.168-06:00Mini-Series Week 2<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Puritan; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;"><i>For the month of November, I am going to try at least once a week to relate to you something about autism that I am thankful for.</i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Puritan; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">This week, I am grateful that autism has taught me about priorities. Parenting is always a game of "pick your battles", but I feel like that's amplified with autism. Do I really care if Bug is dressed nicely for church with a white shirt and khakis, or is it more important that he happily puts on jeans and a t-shirt and actually goes to church? Would I rather have a clean kitchen, or let Bug splash water all over because he needs the sensory input?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Puritan; line-height: 18.4799995422363px;">My change of attitude about priorities has extended beyond the minor things like outfits and cleanliness, though. I've learned the value of connecting with my kids over connecting to anything else; the value of celebrating every single success and step in the right direction, no matter how small. I don't have lofty goals or dreams for my kids - instead I just want them to be happy and find what brings <i>them</i> joy, not me. In short, autism has showed me what truly matters in the long-run.</span></div>
Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-5798053912887669542014-11-05T12:54:00.000-07:002015-06-04T15:10:23.322-06:00November Mini-Series<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />I've been trying to be more grateful lately, and just more positive overall. I'm struggling a little with applying that to autism. I'll be completely honest: sometimes I hate autism. It's hard to see Bug be limited by something totally out of our control. I tend to see autism as a vehicle for opportunities to learn and grow, but have difficulty being thankful that autism<i> itself </i>is a part of our lives. That's a narrow differentiation, but I get stuck on it anyway. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />So, for the month of November, I am going to try at least once a week to relate to you something about autism that I am thankful for. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Today, I want to start with compassion. Because autism is a "hidden" disability, or something you can't tell someone has just by looking at them, I've learned not to make quick judgments about people. To anyone we pass while we're out and about, Bug physically looks like an average preschooler. Strangers don't know about his sensory issues and his feeding difficulties, or his astounding memorization skills. Just like they can't understand Bug and all his weaknesses and strengths by looking at him, I can't understand everything about a person by one, or even several, meetings. That's why I am trying now more than ever to try and be compassionate and understanding to others around me. Like the saying goes, "<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24.375px;">Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" (to which I'd like to add something about how everyone has super powers to help in their battles too). </span>It's something I've always known on principle, but autism has taught me to truly understand and live it.</span>Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-44568519129064148562014-10-09T09:01:00.000-06:002015-06-04T15:10:57.226-06:00One Year<div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Baishamen_Park_-_amusement_park_-_roller_coaster,_adult_-_01.jpg" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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One year ago today, Bug was officially diagnosed with autism.</div>
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We weren't surprised. I remember clearly a Sunday months earlier when, instead of participating in church services, we were watching Bug walk laps around the church gym. We were reviewing the few words he had in his vocabulary in preparation to see his pediatrician and talk about the (little) progress he'd made in his development. It was then we both realized that separately, we thought that he might be on the autism spectrum. But that didn't make the day of diagnosis any easier.</div>
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I think I didn't anticipate how hard that day would be. I expected I would cry, but I didn't expect to hardly be able to talk about it out loud for a few days. Though we were somewhat prepared for what was coming, you can't ever prepare for the emotions that follow an official, life-changing diagnosis. We resolved to do whatever it took to make sure Bug got the best care we could provide. We spent weeks looking for houses and jobs in states with mandated insurance coverage for autism treatment. We researched everything we could about autism and potential treatments and potential challenges. All of the unknowns threatened to become overwhelming. In one day, our lives turned upside-down.</div>
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The first thing I learned after diagnosis was about love. No matter who I chose to share the news with, I just felt love from everyone. There was no judgement, no disbelief, no tension. I remember clearly everyone we told said some variation of, "We love Bug and all of you. We want to support you and help however we can." If you were one of these people, thank you. Everyone's support meant (means) the world to us.</div>
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We also quickly learned that although the diagnosis was difficult, it was absolutely worth it. Fear and stigma can surround any diagnosis, especially an "invisible" or psychological one. Believe me, we were plenty fearful about what life would be like for Bug with a diagnosis forever being attached to him. That diagnosis, <a href="http://autismwithabucketofsugar.blogspot.com/2014/09/being-open.html" target="_blank">and sharing it</a>, has been nothing but helpful. We have been guaranteed help and protections under the law. Caregivers have an idea of what to expect and what treatment may work, all because of the diagnosis. </div>
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As silly as it may sound, a diagnosis has been like a call number for a library book. Remember the Dewey Decimal System? The first three numbers always indicate a broad topic. Like language or history or philosophy. Within that topic, the books vary between more specific subject matter, length, and reading level, but they are all related. Bug's call number starts with "autism", and although that doesn't tell you everything about him, it helps give a general understanding of what to expect with him.</div>
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We still face plenty of challenges and unknowns. But I can't help thinking about the difference a year has made. Bug tells us about what's going on around him, he shows interest in his peers, his diet has improved dramatically, and we can do things as a family we never imagined we'd be able to do again - everything from going to specific stores and eating out at a restaurant to trying completely new experiences. Discouragement is no stranger, but looking at the bigger picture and every little bit of progress gives us renewed hope. The past year has been a rollercoaster, but rollercoasters are still fun, aren't they?</div>
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Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-17838343646233550962014-09-26T08:07:00.000-06:002015-06-04T15:11:38.695-06:00On "Amazing"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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We're all admirers. We see people and all the wonderful things they do, especially on social media, and admire them different ways. We may admire someone's decorating skills, another's dedication to a hobby, and yet another person's musical talent. You might find yourself thinking, "She's amazing!"<br />
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What about other parents? What makes you admire someone in their parenting skills and declare them, whether you keep it to yourself or express it out loud, "amazing"?<br />
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Before I ever had children, I thought all parents with special needs children were amazing. After Bug was born and I quickly learned what a challenge parenting is, that cemented by belief.<br />
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Then...I realized I was one of those parents. But even though I found myself as part of that amazing-special-needs-parent-group, I didn't <i>feel</i> amazing. Honestly, much of the time, I felt lousy. I wasn't as patient as I should be. I was still learning all about autism and Bug's specific needs. I thought that because I had a special needs child, I must be amazing, and since I didn't feel that I was, I was doing something wrong - or worse, I didn't deserve him.<br />
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My thinking was backwards: exceptional children aren't exclusively born to amazing people. Exceptional children are born to ordinary people, and over time, those ordinary people <i>become</i> amazing. That same principle applies to any hardship or challenge. You aren't given trials because you can overcome them with ease; but because through them, you can improve and learn and grow in ways you could not otherwise (<a href="http://autismwithabucketofsugar.blogspot.com/2014/07/faith-and-trials.html" target="_blank">this post is particularly relevant</a>).<br />
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It's easy to determine someone's amazingness (however you want to define it) by the challenges they face, if only because we have no idea what we would do if faced with those challenges ourselves. But over the last year, I have tried instead to appreciate people's efforts not by the challenges and trials they face, but by what they <i>do</i> with them. Let's not get into the habit of defining people by their circumstances, but instead by their unique traits that help them make the best they can of any situation in which they might find themselves. I believe it's safe to say that most people are honestly doing the best they know how every single day, in every situation - which makes us all amazing!Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-40154041425323621412014-09-18T08:46:00.000-06:002015-06-04T15:18:52.425-06:00Being Open<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://media.ldscdn.org/images/media-library/by-speaker/sister-linda-k-burton/meme-burton-burdens-1238325-gallery.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">lds.org</td></tr>
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I've been thinking lately about our openness in regard to Bug's autism. Although we kept his process of diagnosis to only people we were very close to, we shared the news of his official autism diagnosis within weeks of it being made. We told our families, our friends, our coworkers, our church congregation...pretty much everyone we saw on a regular basis. We didn't discuss this choice much, but we were in total agreement that it was what we wanted to do.<br />
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Not everyone chooses to share a medical, developmental, genetic, or other diagnosis with everyone they know. And that is completely valid - it is a personal choice. I would just like to share our reasoning behind sharing with the world that Bug has autism.</div>
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It's fairly obvious that there's something different about Bug. A few people outside of our families told me that they always knew he had some kind of difficulty. Bug's delays weren't obvious to us, due to him being our first child, but the more time we spent around other children, the more we could tell he just wasn't like them. So, we shared Bug's diagnosis both for our and others' sake. </div>
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For us, sharing the diagnosis would mean more compassion from others, and an understanding that Bug's differences aren't anyone's fault or failing. For others, a specific diagnosis makes interaction with Bug easier: they can draw on what they know about autism to help him out and be more patient with him. This mutual understanding was important to us, particularly in a church setting, where kids are generally expected to be well-behaved and quiet - and he wasn't! He also has teachers at church who have been able to help him enjoy his time there better now that they know his individual difficulties.</div>
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Some people may think that sharing a diagnosis is the same as trying to excuse behavior. We don't feel that way. We still hold Bug to behavior standards and if things get out of hand, we remove him from a situation, where possible. Others may feel that sharing a diagnosis isn't really our choice to make, but his, when he's older. Once again, we don't fully agree with that. When (if) he's on his own when he is older, that will be up to him. But for now, we'd rather let people know why he's so different from other kids, and autism is such a big part of our daily lives, that it's better to give a word to everything that's going on.</div>
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Aside from any practical reasons, we just<i> felt </i>we should share our world of autism with everyone around us. We took a big leap of faith in both sharing the news, and continuing to share our experiences with autism - what if people look down on Bug or us as parents? What if we know people who think autism isn't real? What if they think we are just looking for attention? All of our fears were really for nothing - we have been met with only kindness, compassion, patience, and love this past year. Our act of faith was met with an outpouring of blessings. Though our burdens haven't been lifted, we have many people helping us bear them. The support given to us helps us more than we can express.</div>
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Just as Bug has been teaching us as parents about patience, faith, Christlike love, and empathy, we are hopeful that by being open about his autism, he has been teaching so many others around him those same lessons. That alone is, to us, reason enough to share our journey with autism with the world.</div>
Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-55173576743839503962014-07-27T15:29:00.001-06:002015-06-04T15:19:01.729-06:00Faith and Trials<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://media.ldscdn.org/images/media-library/by-speaker/other/quote-master-tempest-raging-1173923-gallery.jpg" height="332" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://lds.org/">lds.org</a>, <a href="https://www.lds.org/music/library/hymns/master-the-tempest-is-raging?lang=eng" target="_blank">Hymn 105</a></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This past year, my faith has been shaken. I didn't expect that. Like everyone else, I've been through trials before that felt never-ending. My trials had always ended, and my faith was always strengthened. When we started the months-long process of diagnosis, I saw the time ahead as another trial that God would pull me through and use to help me become stronger. That positive attitude didn't last too long.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The first few evaluations were okay. I felt a little discouraged, but at the time, we only knew Bug was delayed. A delay brings a sense of ending: if he's delayed, he'll eventually catch up, no big deal. But once everything was pointing more toward autism, I became more and more nervous. I didn't want my son to carry that kind of burden for the rest of his life. Like any parent, I wanted to be able to fix whatever went wrong in his life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In October, the autism diagnosis brought with it a lot of sadness. We knew that many things would not come as easily to Bug as to almost all the other children we knew. We knew that for the rest of his life, Bug will face stumbling blocks and challenges that others around him may not be able to help or understand. I, of course, didn't want that for Bug.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After the sadness, the questions started to surface. Most of them started with <i>why</i>. Why does Bug have autism? Why him? Why our family? Why would a loving God allow individuals and families to be profoundly affected throughout their lives by incurable, sometimes debilitating, defects, illnesses, and the like?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm not the first person in history to ask these questions, so there were plenty of answers to them to be found. And, oh, what a range of answers there are, even among the members of <a href="http://www.mormon.org/" target="_blank">my church</a>. I eventually concluded that I needed to find my own, personalized answers. Even though I was hurting and lost, I knew that if I wanted to come out with stronger faith and testimony, I needed to work on my personal understanding of God and the gospel - not someone else's.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So I prayed, searched, and read, over and over. I found that I needed to return to basic principles, because so often we can get lost in the deeper searching that we let our foundation of faith crumble. Some of the basic doctrines that have served as a means to find my personalized answers are:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1. Not all trials have a reason behind them.</b> In the New Testament, Jesus remarked that a man's blindness was not a result of his own, or even his parents', sin (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/9.1-3?lang=eng#0" target="_blank">John 9:1-3</a>). <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1984/10/the-works-of-god?lang=eng" target="_blank">James E. Faust expanded </a>on this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"The Savior’s teaching that handicaps are not punishment for
sin, either in the parents or the handicapped, can also be understood and
applied in today’s circumstances. How can it possibly be said that an innocent
child born with a special problem is being punished? Why should parents who
have kept themselves free from social disease, addicting chemicals, and other
debilitating substances which might affect their offspring imagine that the
birth of a disabled child is some form of divine disapproval? Usually, both the
parents and the children are blameless. The Savior of the world reminds us that
God 'maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on
the just and on the unjust.' (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.45?lang=eng#44" target="_blank">Matt. 5:45</a>.)"</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is applicable to any type of difficulty;<a href="https://www.lds.org/ensign/1991/05/the-moving-of-the-water" target="_blank"> Boyd K. Packer said that </a><i>"<span style="line-height: 107%;">The
idea that all suffering is somehow the direct result of sin has been taught
since ancient times. It is false doctrine." </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">So where do some of the difficulties of life come from if not from sin or from God? <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/spiritual-whirlwinds?lang=eng" target="_blank">Neil L. Andersen explained</a>, <i>"</i></span><i>Not all the whirlwinds in life are of your own making. Some
come because of the wrong choices of others, and some come just because this is
mortality."</i></span><br />
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It's also worth mentioning what the LDS Church <a href="https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng#21.1.26" target="_blank">Handbook 2 advises</a>:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Leaders and members should not attempt to explain why the
challenge of a disability has come to a family. They should never suggest that
a disability is a punishment from God. Nor should they suggest
that it is a blessing to have a child who has a disability."</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2. We can endure, and become stronger because of, any trial.</b> Notice I say endure, not enjoy - that is a very important distinction to me, because I think we often falsely believe that we have to make it through every rough patch with a smile. It can help, and it is often possible, but we'll all undoubtedly face trials that challenge us to our cores, putting us in survival mode. That is okay. We can still learn and become better through (and maybe some time after) such trials. <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/i-will-not-fail-thee-nor-forsake-thee?lang=eng" target="_blank">Thomas S. Monson said:</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in,
also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive
the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we
will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be
tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the
better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to
become something different from what we were—better than we were, more
understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger
testimonies than we had before."</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/liahona/2006/02/refined-in-our-trials?lang=eng" target="_blank">James E. Faust also taught</a> about how trials can change us:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we
pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our
lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong.
In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the
purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of
life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine
Shepherd."</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>3. There is always at least one who knows the depth of my pain and sorrow.</b> Through the <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng" target="_blank">Atonement</a> and His time on earth, Jesus Christ has perfect empathy. <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/he-heals-the-heavy-laden?lang=eng" target="_blank">Dallin H. Oaks explained this beautifully</a>:</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">"The Savior teaches that we will have tribulation in the
world, but we should 'be of good cheer' because He has 'overcome the world' (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/16.33?lang=eng#32" target="_blank">John 16:33</a>). His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the
price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction. The Book of Mormon
teaches that 'He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and
temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which
saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people' (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/7.11?lang=eng#10" target="_blank">Alma7:11</a>; see also <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9.21?lang=eng#20" target="_blank">2 Nephi 9:21</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">"He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the
good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He
binds up our wounds and cares for us (see<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/luke/10.34?lang=eng#33" target="_blank"> Luke 10:34</a>). Brothers and sisters,
the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">"…At times we may despair that our burdens are too great.
When it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and
cry out like the disciples in the storm, 'Master, carest thou not that we
perish?' (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/mark/4.38?lang=eng#37" target="_blank">Mark 4:38</a>). At such times we should remember His reply: 'Why are ye
so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?' (<a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/mark/4.40?lang=eng#39" target="_blank">v. 40</a>).</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"The healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ…is available for
every affliction in mortality."</i><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I could go on (and on) about the ways my faith has been strengthened these past months, but most of them stem from these three basic principles. I'm grateful for each answer to prayer, each new gospel truth I learn through study or experience, and look forward to growing in faith even more in the time to come.</span></div>
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Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-23023625772315066162014-07-12T09:11:00.000-06:002015-06-04T15:13:17.314-06:00Entering His WorldWe go on a lot of walks, partly because they fill many of Bug's sensory needs and help wind down his three-year-old energy. I have plenty of my own reasons for going on a trip around the neighborhood, though. All too often I feel trapped after being in the house for a few days straight, or worse, I feel like I will snap at the next scream, whine, or outburst (I clearly have a long way to go with patience and long-suffering). So, I get the kids all ready to go on a walk, many times with one or both of them crying, and we leave the house to let off some steam.<br />
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One day last week, we went on a walk just for the sake of going on a walk - I hadn't reached my breaking point, the boys weren't getting antsy, it was just a nice morning. That walk was such a different experience than most of the others we've taken.<br />
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Because I wasn't focused on something negative, I was able to see why walks are so good for Bug. His sensory system often switches between two extremes: he's either completely underwhelmed due to hypersensitivity, so he gets narrowly focused on one sensation (like hopping around the house); or, there is too much sensory "noise" around him, so he goes into a meltdown because he can't cope. I finally saw how a walk is a perfect match to his sensory needs.<br />
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Our walk was filled with gentle, soothing sensory "noise": a cool, low breeze; the sounds of birds, rustling leaves, sprinklers, and so on; smells of cut grass and flowers; and the consistent feeling of light work in the muscles through walking itself. I found myself with a clearer mind than I had in days, and I realized that must be what walks do for Bug, but to a greater degree. If my mind can so easily get off-track due to the uneven sensory input it experiences day-to-day, how much worse must it be for him? How much harder must it be for him to think clearly and make sense of the world when his senses are in some ways over sensitive to average input, and in other ways under sensitive?<br />
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I realized I don't take the time to think outside of <i>my </i>normal and try to see the world through Bug's eyes nearly as much as I should. I realized a lot of my frustration stems from trying to get him to see things my way, when that is often simply impossible for him. Yes, there are times when he's being a three-year-old and our ideas of fun or important simply don't match up; but there are other times when I'm so focused on what I <i>want</i> that I overlook what Bug<i> needs</i>. I realized I'm happier when I try seeing the world through his eyes, because in this relationship we have to meet each other halfway and find common ground. Bug is doing a wonderful job following our encouragement to step out of his comfort zone and meet us at the halfway point every single day, so I need to follow his example and do the same.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://lds.org/"><span style="font-size: x-small;">lds.org</span></a></td></tr>
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Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-533845239811056672014-06-25T13:18:00.000-06:002015-06-04T15:19:11.593-06:00Finding Happiness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyJhXlZl7bMOp6xy0bOUY63ezrHr5L_HX-ma9tjx7qo_J3LXIRzdxaIA4TNxe5mSCcCp0QInP5pWIy5jPgs9xG2MIHyBCbCOaAXagNQ1iuhBJ5RzBULn8ste6wXCVyRLVwXpRWDfDK7Yc/s1600/DSC_1252.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyJhXlZl7bMOp6xy0bOUY63ezrHr5L_HX-ma9tjx7qo_J3LXIRzdxaIA4TNxe5mSCcCp0QInP5pWIy5jPgs9xG2MIHyBCbCOaAXagNQ1iuhBJ5RzBULn8ste6wXCVyRLVwXpRWDfDK7Yc/s1600/DSC_1252.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bug finds lots of happiness when he's outside. Bubbles increase it.</td></tr>
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I've mentioned, mostly briefly, before that the months after Bug's diagnosis was a rough time for me. I've never discussed it much detail, though, due to fear and plain shyness. But I'd like to discuss it more directly now in case there's anyone out there like the Me of a Few Months Ago who wanted so desperately to know that she wasn't alone in her feelings.<br />
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I knew that Bug's autism diagnosis would bring with it the <a href="http://autismwithabucketofsugar.blogspot.com/2014/06/climbing-walls.html" target="_blank">stages of grief</a>. I just felt like I had been grieving for so long and I didn't want to anymore. But, no matter how hard I tried, I didn't feel I was getting better. Some days, it took all I had to just get out of bed in the morning. I wasn't connecting with the kids or my husband like I wanted. I tried to do things that in the past would have made me happy, but they didn't anymore. If anything, they were a short (or much too long) escape from my everyday life.<br />
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Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew I had never felt that way before and I should talk about it. I rationalized myself away from that, though, and my internal monologue just got worse:<br />
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<i>"There must be something you think you are good at."</i><br />
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<i>"...Being lazy?"</i><br />
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<i>"Come on, people tell you are talented and wonderful. They can't all be wrong."</i><br />
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<i>"They all might <u>think</u> that, but they don't <u>really</u> know me. They're wrong."</i><br />
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<i>"Just one thing. You can think of one positive thing about yourself."</i><br />
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<i>"I CAN'T."</i><br />
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Over and over, I thought things like this. These thoughts didn't really scare me, because I <i>knew</i> I was right. I <i>knew</i> I was worthless, so there was no harm in thinking that way. After a while, I simply didn't feel much of anything else but self-loathing and utter isolation.<br />
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Hating yourself is exhausting. I finally got to a point where I didn't want to keep wasting all of my energy on it. I still didn't want to talk to anyone honestly about what I was feeling, so I turned to the internet. I looked up depression symptoms and could hardly stand to read them because I couldn't be depressed, I just needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.<br />
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A few weeks of this, and I knew I had to do something, not for me, but for my family because I could see the toll I was taking on all of them. I found an online depression screening quiz, emailed the results to myself, and showed them to my husband because I couldn't figure out what words to say. Then came appointments, a willingness to talk more, very small and attainable goals (take a shower and get dressed today), a daily nighttime list of the things that made me smile, and little positive changes every day.<br />
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I started trying to pray, and read <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm?lang=eng" target="_blank">scriptures</a> and <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng" target="_blank">talks</a> more regularly. I remember the day I came across a talk called "The Moving of the Water", and I knew it was a direct answer to my many tearful and pleading prayers. This paragraph felt written just for me:<br />
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<i>"You parents and you families whose lives must be reordered because of a handicapped one, whose resources and time must be devoted to them, are special heroes. You are manifesting the works of God with every thought, with every gesture of tenderness and care you extend to the handicapped loved one. Never mind the tears nor the hours of regret and discouragement; never mind the times when you feel you cannot stand another day of what is required. You are living the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ in exceptional purity. And you perfect yourselves in the process." (<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1991/04/the-moving-of-the-water?lang=eng" target="_blank">The Moving of the Water, Boyd K. Packer, April 1991</a>.)</i><br />
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I felt so often those tears, those hours of discouragement, and those times where I felt I could not "stand another day of what is required" - I still do sometimes. But instead of being told that it was all okay because I was given Bug due to my strength and inherent amazing qualities (which I could not believe at all I had), I was told that those feelings are okay. I was told that, yes, I was given a challenge that at times feels impossible, but it is a challenge that I can use to make me a better person. With work and (lots and lots) of faith, I can use this challenge - raising a son with autism - to be a better me and learn more about <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/jesus-christ?lang=eng" target="_blank">Jesus Christ</a> in ways that I would not be able to otherwise.<br />
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Life hasn't been all rosy since I decided to make positive changes, but it has become more bearable, and best of all, I feel truly happy once again. But I know now that just as Bug needs encouragement, individual attention, and gentle care each day to grow, learn, and be happy, I do as well - so does my husband and Bear.<br />
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If that internal monologue up there seems familiar to you, please don't hesitate to do something (safe) to reach out and get whatever help you need. What you need may be different from what helped me. I promise that you are not alone in your feelings and that impossible as it may seem, you will feel happiness again.<br />
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<i>Some more words that have helped me immensely: <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng" target="_blank">"Like a Broken Vessel", Jeffrey R. Holland, Oct. 2013</a>.</i><br />
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<br />Mollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13557455912679143049noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-3604087058974420282014-06-08T20:07:00.001-06:002015-06-04T15:15:06.624-06:00Climbing WallsBefore Bug ever had a diagnosis, I felt like one might be coming. Mother's instinct, maybe. I'm a big reader, so I read articles and stories from and about other parents who went through referrals and tests and diagnoses with their own children already. One thing stuck out to me: every parent, at some point or another, <a href="http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/autism-your-family" target="_blank">goes through the stages of grief</a> when their child receives a life-changing diagnosis. I knew that, and yet, after diagnois, I had no idea how those stages of grief would affect me - because they affect everyone differently.<br />
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You see, I thought I went through them pretty quickly. I thought I was ready to be optimistic and make oodles of positive changes and roll with the punches and not let the difficulties get me down....<br />
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But then they did, over and over. Week after week and month after month. And it wasn't until recently, when I felt a definite, remarkable change in my mood and our home environment, that I realized it took me much longer to grieve. To say the months since October have been a roller coaster is an understatement. I've changed and grown in so many ways I can't describe, and those changes and growth are still happening.<br />
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I think I'm finally at a point where I can do my best to share some of my changes and growth with you. I've wanted to share for so long, but it just never really felt right until now. Until today, actually.<br />
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I've split this post for length, so click on through to read more.<br />
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One of the first challenges I struggled with around diagnosis is what we've decided to call at our house "the invisible wall". One book I'm reading (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Things-Every-Child-Autism-Wishes/dp/1935274651/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402278941&sr=1-1&keywords=10+things+every+child+with+autism+wishes+you+knew" target="_blank"><i>10 Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew</i></a>) describes this wall much more elegantly than I can:<br />
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<i>"[There are] times when the rest of the world seems intent on letting you know that your child is different and apart. Often there's no conscious malice; it happens because the mainstream population is streaming about their business in meanstream fashion, which doesn't or can't include your child."</i><br />
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I felt that invisible wall close in around me every time I heard a toddler use a full sentence; every time I heard people talk about going out to a sit-down meal with their families; every time I saw a child walk up to his mom, give her a kiss, and say "I love you" without prompting. That wall kept me in my house, it kept me from speaking my mind even to family members, and sometimes it felt like it was stifling my every breath.<br />
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But it wasn't the wall's fault - it was mine.<br />
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With the help of an old/new dear friend, I'm learning that I am in control of the invisible wall. I can choose to get cozy next to it and wish I was on the other side, or I can climb myself over it. It's always going to be there, but I can control how it affects me. Just like a real-life wall, my invisible one is just a thing. There are ways over it, because I have wall-climbing tools at my disposal.<br />
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Climbing that wall isn't easy. Sometimes (increasingly more often), the wall seems more like a simple curb that I can step over. But other times, it's foreboding and it takes all I have to decide to try and climb it and meet the people around me on the other side.<br />
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One other thing I'm learning is that talking honestly about my life - autism and all - won't make more walls. In fact, it might break some down. One thing that has kept me firmly cozied next to the wall is feeling like I can't talk about all the challenges autism has brought us. I don't want to seem like I'm complaining, or that I want attention. But, autism is entwined in our lives so completely that I feel like I'm not myself if I don't talk about it. It's not all bad things either: autism is teaching us patience, love, faith, optimism, joy, and so many other things I can't yet put into words. I want to share these things.<br />
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So, I'm going to. Starting here. I'm not nearly as open and well-articulated in person, but I'll try to start sharing there, too. I'm climbing my invisible wall every day, and hopefully by sharing how I do it, I'll help others climb their walls as well - whatever they may be.Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-87242336971689380742014-04-01T11:48:00.000-06:002015-06-04T15:15:32.208-06:00Happy April!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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At our house, we're excited for April. We're ready for the nice weather, we're making plans for Bug's birthday, and he'll be starting preschool soon.<br />
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April also happens to be Autism Awareness Month. Some people celebrate, some don't, so keep in mind everything here is how <i>we</i> feel about this month.</div>
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If you're here reading this, you're already autism aware; congratulations! It's now our turn (and yours!) to go a little beyond that. Here are some ideas to spread compassion for autism this month:</div>
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1. Educate yourself! Pass along what you learn with others. The biggest thing to keep in mind about autism is that it affects every person with the diagnosis differently. As the saying goes, "once you've met one person with autism, you've met <i>one person</i> with autism". Don't assume that what you know can be applied to every person on the spectrum. Here are a few good places with basics and links to learn more:</div>
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-<a href="http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/index.html" target="_blank">CDC</a></div>
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-<a href="http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism" target="_blank">Autism Speaks</a></div>
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-<a href="http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm" target="_blank">NIH</a></div>
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-<a href="http://www.autism-society.org/about-autism/" target="_blank">Autism Society</a></div>
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Since you are here already, we also love to answer peoples' questions!</div>
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(I'd also like to briefly add that the autism community is a diverse one. Not everyone affected by it feels the same way about its potential causes, treatments, cure, or prevention. Just keep that in mind if you get to reading more than the broadest info about ASD, especially online.)</div>
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2. Wear something. It seems like such a simple and passive thing to do, but if wearing a<a href="http://www.autism-society.org/get-involved/national-autism-awareness-month/" target="_blank"> puzzle piece ribbon</a> opens up even one conversation with someone about autism, then I think it's worth it. Tomorrow, April 2, you can wear blue as part of Autism Speaks' international <a href="http://liub.autismspeaks.org/welcome?utm_source=autismspeaks.org&utm_medium=banner&utm_campaign=LIUB2014" target="_blank">Light It Up Blue</a> campaign to raise autism awareness. Sevenly is also selling some <a href="http://www.sevenly.org/charity-products?limit=all" target="_blank">very cool (but pricey) clothes</a> with autism messages this week only. You can always Google if you want to buy other autism stuff; there's plenty to browse.</div>
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3. S<a href="http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/diagnosis/screen-your-child" target="_blank">creen your child</a>, if you've ever had any concerns about autism. Or, <a href="http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/autism.htm" target="_blank">screen yourself</a>! (Please note that online measures will not replace the advice and care of a doctor - they'll just give you a better idea of how you or your child compares to major attributes of ASD. Bug actually passed the first screening at his 18 month appointment!)</div>
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4. Think more positively about the people around you. If we've learned anything from this autism journey so far, it's that you never can tell everything that's going on with an individual or family from seeing them once in public. Or in many cases, even seeing them on a regular basis. Some people aren't open with diagnoses, like we have been. The bottom line is, you never know what is really driving peoples' behavior, so don't assume the worst!</div>
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5. Lend a hand. If you know someone affected by autism, offer to help them out somehow (and we're not fishing for anything, so think beyond our family!). You can take a meal, offer to have a child over for a playdate, organize a moms' or dads' night out for a parent, or offer to babysit. The biggest thing you can do is just <b>be a friend. </b>If you know a parent to a child with autism, don't let your childrens' differences hinder your friendship (your kids have more in common than you may think). If you know an individual with autism, work to have a genuine relationship with him/her. Make a true effort to enter his/her world and see things around us the way he/she sees them. </div>
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These are just a few ideas. When the month of April is over, don't forget what you've learned! For families and individuals affected by ASD, autism awareness isn't reserved to April; it's an everyday thing. They need love, kindness, and understanding all year long.</div>
Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-23471771145267361212014-03-19T13:19:00.002-06:002015-06-04T15:15:55.332-06:00What This Autism Mom Wants You to KnowHaving your child diagnosed with autism, or any other disability, sets you apart as a parent. You're thrown into a whole new life that other parents, while well-meaning, loving, and sympathetic, can't fully understand because they aren't living it. We've been very open about what life is like and how we've come to this point with Bug, but I can't share everything I'd like people to know about our family in a casual conversation.<br />
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I know every mom and dad to a child with autism sees things differently, but I wanted to share a few of the things I wish I could tell every other parent I know about us and our unique experience with autism (so far).<br />
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1. Ask me questions! We've been open about Bug's diagnosis for a reason. We want the people who know him and see him to understand what makes him different. We may not have answers for every question about autism, but we are certainly the experts on Bug.<br />
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2. Every child on the autism spectrum is different. Autism is a spectrum disorder, which means that people diagnosed with it have a wide variety of severity and symptoms. You may know other children or adults with autism, but that doesn't mean they will have the same difficulties and strengths as Bug.<br />
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3. We don't care what caused Bug's autism. There are so many different theories about where autism comes from that it's hard to keep track of them all! As far as Bug goes, we accept that he has autism, we aren't going to worry about anything we might have been able to do in the past to prevent it, and we are enjoying being Bug's parents - autism and all.<br />
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4. Autism isn't something Bug will "grow out" of. Put simply, autism is part of Bug's wiring, and that wiring doesn't change. As he gets older, some of his difficulties won't be so obvious and he'll be able to self-regulate, but autism will always be a part of who he is and will always make certain things difficult for him.<br />
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5. Please don't use the "R-word". I started out writing my explanation here as a wordy one, but I'll just say that every time I hear someone use "retard" or "retarded" as an insult, it makes my stomach turn. It's sad to me that people would use my son's - or any other person's - special needs as an insult, joke, means of ridicule, or something to be ashamed of. <a href="http://www.r-word.org/Default.aspx" target="_blank">You can read more on this here</a>.<br />
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6. Try not to judge other parents you see each day. You never know what they may be going through. Sure, they may not seem to be doing a wonderful job, but they are likely to be doing the best they can. A kid who looks like he's just being stubborn in the middle of the IKEA exit might actually be in the midst of a full-blown autism meltdown (ask me how I know). So, like some wonderful IKEA shoppers I saw once, simply try not to stare and don't make any comments, or if you want to help, gently say something along the lines of "Is there something I can do for you?" and go back to your day if the answer is no.Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-9456515533822156192014-03-14T09:43:00.000-06:002015-06-04T15:16:24.699-06:00SB 57 - Part 4Today is a great day.<br />
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I'm pleased to write that SB 57 has been signed by both the Speaker of the House and the Senate President, and now awaits signature by Gov. Herbert!<br />
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In order for the bill to get to this point, it was <a href="http://le.utah.gov/~2014/bills/sbillint/SB0057S01_ComparedWith_SB0057.pdf" target="_blank">substituted with some compromises</a> to ease some concerns from opposition. I'm not too thrilled about some of the compromises, but I really cannot complain. The state capitol has<i> finally </i>acknowledged the needs of thousands of families in our state dealing with the costs of autism treatment. When the effects of this bill are reviewed in 2019 (the bill's sunset or "expiration date"), I'm hopeful lawmakers will be willing to make even more positive changes to autism coverage. Or better yet, perhaps in the meantime insurers will make changes of their own.<br />
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If you wrote to your representative or senator asking for their support, send your thanks! (Well, there were a few in the <a href="http://le.utah.gov/DynaBill/svotes.jsp?sessionid=2014GS&voteid=1059&house=H" target="_blank">house</a> and <a href="http://le.utah.gov/DynaBill/svotes.jsp?sessionid=2014GS&voteid=1484&house=S" target="_blank">senate</a> who did not support the final version.) If you would like, you can also <a href="http://governor.utah.gov/goca/form_comment.html" target="_blank">contact Gov. Herbert</a> to remind him to sign the bill and pass it into law.<br />
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I hope to update soon with news that the governor has signed SB 57. Thank you for your support, and if you are new to autism, coming here to learn more. We hope you'll stick around and read more about our adventures!Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-3066235391761888352014-03-03T18:26:00.000-07:002015-06-04T15:16:35.650-06:00SB 57 - Part 3<span style="font-family: inherit;">Great news!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">SB 57 made it through the Senate! The margin was still closer than is comfortable (18-7), but I'll take it. It was so encouraging to hear several senators speak in support of this bill. Autism Votes wrote <a href="http://www.autismspeaks.org/advocacy/advocacy-news/autism-insurance-bill-clears-utah-senate-moves-house?utm_source=/advocacy/advocacy-news/autism-insurance-bill-clears-utah-senate-moves-house&utm_medium=text-link&utm_content=State%20Initiatives&utm_campaign=relateditems" target="_blank">a quick summary</a> of some of the things that were said.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">From here, the bill must be passed by the House of Representatives. It will first be voted on by a committee, then be voted on twice by the full House.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You know what that means? Time to pester your representative!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><a href="http://advocacy.autismspeaks.org/siteapps/advocacy/ActionItem.aspx?c=frKNI3PCImE&b=8995379&aid=520659" target="_blank">This page by Autism Speaks</a> will find your representative, write a letter with relevant facts and figures, and email it with your name in support of SB 57 automatically - just enter your name and address (you won't be put on any lists, promise).</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">If you'd rather use your own voice to express your support to your rep, </span><a href="http://elections.utah.gov/map/district-maps" target="_blank"><span style="color: #707070;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">f</span></span>ind your house district here</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"> and then your rep </span><a href="http://le.utah.gov/house2/representatives.jsp" target="_blank">from this list</a><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">One more way to help is to <a href="https://www.newlio.com/preview/5976105419268234" target="_blank">fill out this survey</a> to give our lawmakers some information about autism in Utah. Take it if you are caring for someone with autism, or have autism yourself.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;">Hopefully, SB 57 will have gone through the House by the end of the week. In the meantime, I get to watch and learn how the House floor proceedings work. Let me know if you'd like to watch as well - it's online, easy, and informative! The <a href="http://www.utahautismcoalition.org/" target="_blank">Utah Autism Coalition</a> is a wonderful resource to learn more about this bill and about general advocacy for autism in Utah.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.479999542236328px;"><i>If this is your first visit to our blog, welcome! Scroll down for our first two posts about Utah's SB 57.</i></span></span><br />
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<br />Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-72006970130553241392014-02-27T16:13:00.001-07:002015-06-04T15:16:48.906-06:00SB 57 - Part 2<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX4yhZ-FxTy6EHgAY-10jozMMHkN8rA10M6JMq3cIyJ4DKrE7lMQ_oIrJSQdeH6RC_HCy8vWHUiYoXTQPMpmkCH9YmBox5-UXmslw14waalwtKtL_yBqSzBYxvGNJvxbV2uHjZvsaCptFQ/s1600/DSC_0302.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX4yhZ-FxTy6EHgAY-10jozMMHkN8rA10M6JMq3cIyJ4DKrE7lMQ_oIrJSQdeH6RC_HCy8vWHUiYoXTQPMpmkCH9YmBox5-UXmslw14waalwtKtL_yBqSzBYxvGNJvxbV2uHjZvsaCptFQ/s1600/DSC_0302.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bug, wondering why this bill hasn't been passed unanimously.</td></tr>
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Spread the news and pester your senator!<br />
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Today, SB 57 passed its second reading on the Utah state senate floor with 18 yeas and 8 nays. That means that (hopefully) tomorrow, it will be read for a third time in the senate, and if it passes that, be moved on to the house for three<i> more </i>votes.<br />
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In other words, SB 57 is facing an uphill battle. The margin is too close and people are too opposed to adding autism coverage to the list of things we, as taxpayers, already pay for. Even if you don't have an immediate family member with autism, you likely are closely connected to someone who does (<a href="http://happytrbl.blogspot.com/2014/02/check-my-math.html?spref=fb" target="_blank">see this post</a>). Are you okay with your money going to that person? My guess is that if you are reading this post, your answer is <b>yes.</b><br />
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So, please,<b><span style="font-size: large;"> TONIGHT </span></b>email your senator. Then spread this post on to everyone you know in Utah.<br />
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<a href="http://advocacy.autismspeaks.org/siteapps/advocacy/ActionItem.aspx?c=frKNI3PCImE&b=8985507&aid=520653" target="_blank">This page by Autism Speaks</a> will find your senator, write a letter with relevant facts and figures, and email it with your name in support of SB 57 automatically - just enter your name and address (you won't be put on any lists, promise).<br />
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If you'd rather use your own voice to express your support to your senator, <a href="http://elections.utah.gov/map/district-maps" target="_blank">find your senate district here</a> and then your senator <a href="http://www.utahsenate.org/aspx/roster.aspx" target="_blank">from this list</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://www.autismspeaks.org/advocacy/advocacy-news/2014-utah-autism-insurance-reform-bill-introduced" target="_blank">Here's a quick rundown on the bill.</a><br />
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<a href="http://le.utah.gov/~2014/bills/static/SB0057.html" target="_blank">Here's the full info on the bill</a>, if you're interested.<br />
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I'll keep you updated on the status of SB 57. I've been watching the senate floor proceedings every day this week - I know this makes me sound a little crazy, but it's been a wonderful learning experience. Let me know if you'd be interested in watching too. It's easy, and I can explain some of the procedures now if you have no idea what's going on.<br />
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Now go forth and pester!Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7808481998460586207.post-8019792413897759152014-02-17T17:38:00.000-07:002015-06-04T15:17:02.062-06:00SB 57<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Here's my first (small) stab at activism. A bill, SB 57, has passed committee and will be put up to vote in the state senate soon. This is an email I just sent to our senator.</i></div>
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Dear Senator,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am writing to express my support in S.B. 57, in hopes that
you will support it as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am a mother to Bug, an almost-three-year-old who was
diagnosed with mild to moderate autism in October 2013. Our diagnosis journey
started in May. Since then, life has been a whirlwind of evaluations, therapy
appointments, in-home visits, office consultations, and tears. <o:p></o:p></div>
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However, amidst the pain and stress that an autism diagnosis
inevitably brings, we know we are fortunate. Because I am a stay-at-home mom,
we could attend last-minute evaluation openings that we otherwise would have
had to wait months for. We have family members willing to babysit at nearly any
hour we need them. We have friends who can watch our younger son during
appointments so Bug can be our focus. We have savings, insurance to cover
some of the costs of many evaluations, and the financial support of family
members.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Not all families in Utah affected by autism have these
supports. I can’t imagine what life is like for them. Even in our financial
stability, we seriously considered moving as soon as the autism diagnosis
became official. Effective autism treatment can costs tens of thousands per
year, not including the cost of additional therapies, appropriate developmental
aids and toys, and any specialist visits that may be needed. The numbers were
so daunting we felt it might be well worth our time to move to a state that would
extend insurance coverage to cover some of those costs. We eventually decided
that we would remain in Utah where we have already established our home, in
hopes that things might change here. <o:p></o:p></div>
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All parents want to see their children succeed; that desire
is magnified when your child has special needs. Every tiniest bit of progress, every small
step in the forward direction brings the greatest of joys. We have felt that
joy over and over again with Bug as he works with his various therapists.
Throughout his eight months in therapy, we have seen his vocabulary grow from 10-15
words to four-word sentences. We have seen his overall mood and demeanor change
from highly irritable to genuinely happy and curious. Perhaps most importantly,
we have been able to learn how Bug interacts with the world through the help
of caring therapists and other professionals.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Again, not every family affected by autism here in Utah is
so fortunate. While every parent wants to see this kind of progress in their
own families, it’s not always possible to receive the care needed to get there.
While state programs have made a difference to Bug, we have had to pay
thousands of dollars ourselves as well – money that many families simply can’t
spare. The reality is that while autism is a lifelong diagnosis, early,
intensive treatment can make a world of difference to children and families
faced with it. We have seen this ourselves. We know that every penny we have
spent towards Bug’s care means more developmental progress. Every penny
means more happiness, contentment, and peace in our home. Every penny means my
son will grow to his fullest potential and be able to show the world how
wonderful he is.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s what this bill would do for thousands of other
children in Utah. Every penny toward the treatment of autism means more
children who make leaps and bounds in their development, who bring uncounted
joys to their families and communities, and who are able to grow to show the
world what talented, caring, and intelligent people they are. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Support S.B. 57 and support the many children in Utah like
(and including) Bug. Urge your peers to do the same.
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<o:p><i>If you'd like to know more about this bill, go <a href="http://www.ksl.com/?nid=1009&sid=28732565#tRluuUsrQ31lZcXJ.01" target="_blank">here,</a> <a href="http://www.utahautismcoalition.org/" target="_blank">here</a>, or <a href="http://www.autismspeaks.org/advocacy/advocacy-news/utah-insurance-bill-heads-senate-floor?utm_source=/advocacy/advocacy-news/utah-insurance-bill-heads-senate-floor&utm_medium=thumbnail&utm_content=2014%20Utah%20Autism%20Insurance%20Reform%20Bill%20Introduced&utm_campaign=relateditems" target="_blank">here</a>!</i></o:p></div>
Uppyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11736695838576967931noreply@blogger.com0