Answered Prayers

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The topic of prayer has been lingering in my head for a bit, and a wonderful lesson on it in church last week really helped sort out and add to my thoughts.

Prayer is one of those things we know we should be doing consistently. That consistency can be hard, and I have had my fair share of rough patches with praying regularly, or sometimes at all, in the last 18 months or so. Some of it has had to do with my attitude; being in a bad mood or feeling angry really puts a damper on a desire to pray. Other times, though, I couldn't see that my prayer was doing anything. No matter how hard I might pray for a meltdown to end or a long-standing obstacle to be overcome, nothing seemed to change. 

We are taught that God hears our prayers and that He answers them, too. I have had experiences that have confirmed that truth to me and I know I have a testimony of prayer. Why, then, would my prayers be unanswered? Why would God not remove difficulties from my, Bug's, our, lives? Was it just not time yet?

During that lesson last week, I was given the answer to my questions. God has heard and answered every single one of my prayers - but instead of addressing our circumstances and challenges, he has (at least tried, even though I may not have let Him) changed my heart. I have felt for a long time that Bug was born with autism and it will forever (on earth) be a part of him - then why should I pray for that to be changed or removed? When I was at my wit's end and desperately needed relief, I should have prayed for that to come not from an outside source, but from within.

That is often how prayers are answered: not by parting seas or a chorus of angels, but by a feeling of peace, or a gentle whisper heard only by a single person. I was praying for a grand gesture when all I really needed, and all I ever really need, is a change of heart, a change of perspective. If I focus my prayers on what I can do and what I need to face the circumstances and challenges around me, life doesn't seem so daunting. If I ask for the Savior's aid in bearing my burdens, He will make them lighter, but they may not be completely removed.

I've also learned a lot about prayer through Bug. He loves to pray. For a while, he let us help him, but now he does it all on his own. His prayers are mumbled, somewhat unintelligible, and short, but his heart is in the right place. God listens as intently to his prayers as He does to mine or anyone else's. Bug's prayers are an example to me of how I should approach God: with a sincere heart, unselfishness, and true faith in God. I should be as eager and happy to pray as my sweet boy is.

Bug's 2014

Each New Year is a funny thing. It's just another day, time going by in its usual fashion, but to us with calendars and goals and things, it can be a big deal. I honestly usually don't think too much about the New Year holiday, but this year is different. I've written several entries the past few months about how blessed we have been in 2014. But today, I want to acknowledge Bug and all of the ways he has amazed us. In 2014, he:

• "Graduated" Early Intervention 
• Started speaking in full sentences (not just 2- or 3-word phrases) and asking questions
• Went from attending about 15 minutes of church on Sundays (usually walking around) to sitting and listening for a full 45-60 minutes, consistently, every week
• Became more flexible about going to new places and into stores he was previously uncomfortable with
• Decreased his meltdowns from 3-5 times per week to maybe 1-3 per month
• Completed a feeding therapy episode (three months) in which he about TRIPLED his accepted foods inventory and became overall better at eating meals and trying new foods (we eat meals together as a family now!)
• Showed us that he can memorize and recite books - which he can use in appropriate contexts to make text-to-real-world connections
• Learned to count to 25, and to count objects
• Started attending and loving preschool
• After over a year of take-out, is once again able to go out with our family for a sit-down meal
• Answered questions more often than repeated them (huge increase in using yes/no)
• Learned all the short letter sounds - without any help from us or preschool
• Started holding pencils/crayons/etc correctly and used them to draw shapes and letters
• Went on our first out-of-state road trip after about two years, and had a successful, fun time at grandma's for a week

I am so, so proud of Bug. The day-to-day can get tiring and discouraging for all of us: I think it's so easy to stay in the moment, focusing on the short-term goals and the baby steps - which is important, don't get me wrong - but we can overlook the major milestones. And look at all those milestones! Bug truly is our superhero. For all the work we have done this year, he has done exponentially more. We've only begun to scratch the surface on what he is capable of doing.

I'd like to challenge you parents (and remind myself), when you feel like you're not making a difference, or things are just too hard, or you feel like nothing has changed, to sit down and list all the progress that's been made over a period of time. Sometimes, I just make a mental note of the good things that have happened in a day. The time frame doesn't really matter; it's the reflecting and tweaking your perspective that can turn your attitude around. 

Here's to a 2015 full of even more milestones!

Our Christmas

This year is Bug's fourth Christmas. Many other kids his age are excited about Santa Claus and all of the other fun stuff surrounding the season. Bug, frankly, doesn't care at all about any of that. I think a year or more ago, I might have been sad at the thought of Bug being like that, thinking that he would be missing out. But, I've found that he's  not missing out on anything - in fact, he's making our holidays better.

Bug understands things better when they are simple and concrete. So, we've simplified our holidays, which allows us all to focus on the most important aspects of Christmas: celebrating Jesus Christ's birth and life, spending time with family, and doing good things for others.

We've also been reflecting on the past year or so and how blessed we've been. As we have used our challenges and trials as opportunities to pray and try to be spiritually stronger, we have been blessed with a greater testimony of and closer relationship with our Savior. Yes, God sent His son because He loved the world, but He did it also because He loves me, and Bug, and each of us individually and unconditionally. Christ's example and atonement can strengthen us when we have sinned, when we are strong, when we have been hurt, when we feel downtrodden, and when we are living our daily lives. We've learned that better this year than any other time before.

This Christmas, simplify. Focus on the truly important parts of the holiday and don't worry about "missing out" on any of those extra things that, in the end, aren't the best part of the season. Enjoy your family. Be a little kinder. And, if you'd like to learn more about the first gift of Christmas and how you can be strengthened by Christ's life, view He Is The Gift.

Patience at Target

We had a great weekend. We went out, had fun, ate ice cream, made it through a good portion of church, and spent time with family. It tends to be easier to be patient and see the good in little things when the kids are happy and the day is going smoothly. Lately, my patience hasn't quite been where it should be, so I learned a lot and saw a lot of good this weekend.

The past few weeks, Bug has had a new thing to be particular about: going in and out of doors. At church, for example, he always goes in the far right door, then out the same one (so far left as we're leaving). He has decided he always wants to go in and out the same doors (the green "IN" doors) at places like Target, too. Usually, that's not a problem, but it's Christmastime and stores are much more busy and crowded than when we typically go out.

We've been working on this door thing, and the day was going so well, I was surprised when Bug stopped about 10 feet from the "OUT" door and silently started showing signs of agitation. He wanted to go out the "IN" doors - because green means go - but there were carts blocking the space between the two sets of doors and lots of customers. I tried talking him through it: "We go in the green and out the red!", "Look, all the people leaving are going through the red doors!", so on and so on. He wasn't having it. Dad tried some different logic, too. Still nothing. Still staying firmly in place, pointing at the green doors and wanting to leave against the flow of foot traffic.

It would have been easy to just pick him up and go to the car (something I've done before, with chaotic results), but we didn't want a meltdown and we weren't in any hurry. I started thinking about how Bug loves letters and is starting to recognize words, so I thought I'd try that - I felt it was a long shot, but couldn't hurt. And, wonderfully, that ("O-U-T spells 'out' and we need to go out!") got him to go, no problem.

Getting Bug through a door may seem like such a small thing, but it was a great lesson for me. First, as a parent (especially one to a child with special needs), you have to think creatively. What I thought would make sense to him, didn't. I had to try to see things from his perspective a little better and guess what track his brain was on. More importantly, for everyone to be happy and content, we had to do the hard thing. Standing in the exit of Target and trying to reason with a preschooler really isn't too hard in the grand scheme of things, but it's an experience that I need to remember. Instead of letting impatience and my feelings get in the way of things, we were patient and took the time to work through things with Bug instead of trying to change his thought process. We took the more difficult route, but the return was well worth the effort.

Mini-Series Week 4

For the month of November, I am going to try at least once a week to relate to you something about autism that I am thankful for.

For my final mini-series entry, I am thankful that autism has brought us gratitude. It's partly due to a shift in priorities, but it's due largely to newly found humility. Autism has laid bare our strengths, our weaknesses, our fears, and our hopes. Seeing life in that new light has compelled us to gratitude more than ever. Some days it's hard to be truly grateful, but overall, I am more grateful for all of my blessings, in even the smallest details of my life. As a family, we appreciate each other more, we enjoy the little moments more, we see better how blessed we are in our circumstances, and we have come to a richer understanding of God's hand in our lives. My heart has truly been softened and changed to be more grateful, even in the most turbulent times.

Mini-Series Week 3

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For the month of November, I am going to try at least once a week to relate to you something about autism that I am thankful for.

Last week was a bit of a crazy one, so I'll be sure to add one more entry for this series on Sunday.

Today I am grateful that autism has taught me about love. Through autism, my love for myself, my family, and even total strangers has been tested and eventually strengthened. I've seen what unconditional love can do for me and others around me: from giving me strength I thought was beyond my reach, to softening hearts and opening minds. Bug has taught me what unconditional love looks like, because that's the love he gives each of us. I also feel that I have a deeper, though still incomplete, understanding of what God feels for me. Everything I feel for Bug, all I see in him and hope for him, is a small sample of what God feels for each and every one of us. That is a priceless lesson that I will always be grateful for.

Mini-Series Week 2

For the month of November, I am going to try at least once a week to relate to you something about autism that I am thankful for.

This week, I am grateful that autism has taught me about priorities. Parenting is always a game of "pick your battles", but I feel like that's amplified with autism. Do I really care if Bug is dressed nicely for church with a white shirt and khakis, or is it more important that he happily puts on jeans and a t-shirt and actually goes to church? Would I rather have a clean kitchen, or let Bug splash water all over because he needs the sensory input?

My change of attitude about priorities has extended beyond the minor things like outfits and cleanliness, though. I've learned the value of connecting with my kids over connecting to anything else; the value of celebrating every single success and step in the right direction, no matter how small. I don't have lofty goals or dreams for my kids - instead I just want them to be happy and find what brings them joy, not me. In short, autism has showed me what truly matters in the long-run.