Having your child diagnosed with autism, or any other disability, sets you apart as a parent. You're thrown into a whole new life that other parents, while well-meaning, loving, and sympathetic, can't fully understand because they aren't living it. We've been very open about what life is like and how we've come to this point with Bug, but I can't share everything I'd like people to know about our family in a casual conversation.
I know every mom and dad to a child with autism sees things differently, but I wanted to share a few of the things I wish I could tell every other parent I know about us and our unique experience with autism (so far).
1. Ask me questions! We've been open about Bug's diagnosis for a reason. We want the people who know him and see him to understand what makes him different. We may not have answers for every question about autism, but we are certainly the experts on Bug.
2. Every child on the autism spectrum is different. Autism is a spectrum disorder, which means that people diagnosed with it have a wide variety of severity and symptoms. You may know other children or adults with autism, but that doesn't mean they will have the same difficulties and strengths as Bug.
3. We don't care what caused Bug's autism. There are so many different theories about where autism comes from that it's hard to keep track of them all! As far as Bug goes, we accept that he has autism, we aren't going to worry about anything we might have been able to do in the past to prevent it, and we are enjoying being Bug's parents - autism and all.
4. Autism isn't something Bug will "grow out" of. Put simply, autism is part of Bug's wiring, and that wiring doesn't change. As he gets older, some of his difficulties won't be so obvious and he'll be able to self-regulate, but autism will always be a part of who he is and will always make certain things difficult for him.
5. Please don't use the "R-word". I started out writing my explanation here as a wordy one, but I'll just say that every time I hear someone use "retard" or "retarded" as an insult, it makes my stomach turn. It's sad to me that people would use my son's - or any other person's - special needs as an insult, joke, means of ridicule, or something to be ashamed of. You can read more on this here.
6. Try not to judge other parents you see each day. You never know what they may be going through. Sure, they may not seem to be doing a wonderful job, but they are likely to be doing the best they can. A kid who looks like he's just being stubborn in the middle of the IKEA exit might actually be in the midst of a full-blown autism meltdown (ask me how I know). So, like some wonderful IKEA shoppers I saw once, simply try not to stare and don't make any comments, or if you want to help, gently say something along the lines of "Is there something I can do for you?" and go back to your day if the answer is no.
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