Answered Prayers

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The topic of prayer has been lingering in my head for a bit, and a wonderful lesson on it in church last week really helped sort out and add to my thoughts.

Prayer is one of those things we know we should be doing consistently. That consistency can be hard, and I have had my fair share of rough patches with praying regularly, or sometimes at all, in the last 18 months or so. Some of it has had to do with my attitude; being in a bad mood or feeling angry really puts a damper on a desire to pray. Other times, though, I couldn't see that my prayer was doing anything. No matter how hard I might pray for a meltdown to end or a long-standing obstacle to be overcome, nothing seemed to change. 

We are taught that God hears our prayers and that He answers them, too. I have had experiences that have confirmed that truth to me and I know I have a testimony of prayer. Why, then, would my prayers be unanswered? Why would God not remove difficulties from my, Bug's, our, lives? Was it just not time yet?

During that lesson last week, I was given the answer to my questions. God has heard and answered every single one of my prayers - but instead of addressing our circumstances and challenges, he has (at least tried, even though I may not have let Him) changed my heart. I have felt for a long time that Bug was born with autism and it will forever (on earth) be a part of him - then why should I pray for that to be changed or removed? When I was at my wit's end and desperately needed relief, I should have prayed for that to come not from an outside source, but from within.

That is often how prayers are answered: not by parting seas or a chorus of angels, but by a feeling of peace, or a gentle whisper heard only by a single person. I was praying for a grand gesture when all I really needed, and all I ever really need, is a change of heart, a change of perspective. If I focus my prayers on what I can do and what I need to face the circumstances and challenges around me, life doesn't seem so daunting. If I ask for the Savior's aid in bearing my burdens, He will make them lighter, but they may not be completely removed.

I've also learned a lot about prayer through Bug. He loves to pray. For a while, he let us help him, but now he does it all on his own. His prayers are mumbled, somewhat unintelligible, and short, but his heart is in the right place. God listens as intently to his prayers as He does to mine or anyone else's. Bug's prayers are an example to me of how I should approach God: with a sincere heart, unselfishness, and true faith in God. I should be as eager and happy to pray as my sweet boy is.

Bug's 2014

Each New Year is a funny thing. It's just another day, time going by in its usual fashion, but to us with calendars and goals and things, it can be a big deal. I honestly usually don't think too much about the New Year holiday, but this year is different. I've written several entries the past few months about how blessed we have been in 2014. But today, I want to acknowledge Bug and all of the ways he has amazed us. In 2014, he:

• "Graduated" Early Intervention 
• Started speaking in full sentences (not just 2- or 3-word phrases) and asking questions
• Went from attending about 15 minutes of church on Sundays (usually walking around) to sitting and listening for a full 45-60 minutes, consistently, every week
• Became more flexible about going to new places and into stores he was previously uncomfortable with
• Decreased his meltdowns from 3-5 times per week to maybe 1-3 per month
• Completed a feeding therapy episode (three months) in which he about TRIPLED his accepted foods inventory and became overall better at eating meals and trying new foods (we eat meals together as a family now!)
• Showed us that he can memorize and recite books - which he can use in appropriate contexts to make text-to-real-world connections
• Learned to count to 25, and to count objects
• Started attending and loving preschool
• After over a year of take-out, is once again able to go out with our family for a sit-down meal
• Answered questions more often than repeated them (huge increase in using yes/no)
• Learned all the short letter sounds - without any help from us or preschool
• Started holding pencils/crayons/etc correctly and used them to draw shapes and letters
• Went on our first out-of-state road trip after about two years, and had a successful, fun time at grandma's for a week

I am so, so proud of Bug. The day-to-day can get tiring and discouraging for all of us: I think it's so easy to stay in the moment, focusing on the short-term goals and the baby steps - which is important, don't get me wrong - but we can overlook the major milestones. And look at all those milestones! Bug truly is our superhero. For all the work we have done this year, he has done exponentially more. We've only begun to scratch the surface on what he is capable of doing.

I'd like to challenge you parents (and remind myself), when you feel like you're not making a difference, or things are just too hard, or you feel like nothing has changed, to sit down and list all the progress that's been made over a period of time. Sometimes, I just make a mental note of the good things that have happened in a day. The time frame doesn't really matter; it's the reflecting and tweaking your perspective that can turn your attitude around. 

Here's to a 2015 full of even more milestones!